When I married my husband, he was enrolled in college, trying very hard to obtain a degree in Nursing. He had previously been in the Air Force, having enlisted straight out of high school, but had gotten out when his four years were done. After three years as a civilian (during which we met and married), he realized this was just not the life for him. He missed something, he didn't feel fulfilled, and he began his journey back to the military.
There was no one in my family that I was close to that had ever been in the military. My parents weren't, no cousins, no aunts or uncles. My grandparent's had been in World War II, but that was quite a bit ago. I had some second-cousins that were in the military but that's not quite a close enough relationship to have any idea what I was getting into.
My husband joined the Army this time around with a different MOS which meant he had to go to WTC-sort of a Basic Training for switching branches-and AIT for job training. Right away, I was immersed into what happens when your husband is away because the life of things you experience alone began. Now, all this seems minimal and to anyone with a military spouse, I don't need to go into further detail. I'll simply say that this began with finding out I was pregnant for the first time, solo ultrasounds, and after a few years, moving houses, runaway cats, and even the birth of our second child alone while he was deployed in Afghanistan. Well, not alone, my mother and my battle buddy were there; but without spouse yes.
Recently we've moved back home to be able to participate in this program for my husband. I have to say, I feel displaced. It feels like we are civilians, or retired and we are not. We are still active duty and I absolutely cannot find my bearings. Maybe its just me; maybe I did, "drink the kool-aid" as my battle buddy says, or maybe its that the military now defines me too. I know I always say that its not just my husband that is in the Army, its all of us and maybe I'm only just realizing that.
I have friends that say once they no longer have to deal with the military they will run as far away from it as they possibly can. I thought that too. I thought once we were off post, back in our old lives, we'd be normal; but there is no normal anymore. This experience does change you. For example, some random facebook site I belong to has some people posting on it that soldiers are murderers. The people posting these things are Americans sitting in their houses. My battle buddy was on a game in yahoo and went into the lobby when someone chatted her and asked "how many babies has your husband killed?" because of what her screenname is. There is a pride I experience when I hear the National Anthem,a sadness when I see the flag at half-mast and an anger when I feel our troops are being attacked. Until he enlisted, I don't know that I felt this way. And now, I can't be separated from it. Now, This is what defines me. I am a Patriotic Army Wife.
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